Basically, what someone thinks or believes doesn’t line up with their actions and they feel like crap until they get it resolved. This internal struggle usually manifests as extreme self sabotage until the person gets it sorted out.
Say your ex broke up with you. For the sake of argument, say over the next few weeks or months, he slowly decides that he can’t live without you.
He will naturally try to make his actions line up with his beliefs— until the pain is too great. For a while, they will stay broken up and not be ready to try to get back together since their actions match their past beliefs. They don’t want to go back on their word (“I want to breakup”), even though they might end up doing so down the road.
The situation will bother them until they decide one what to do one way or another, but the seeds of doubt have to take root before any that can happen. Hesitation, missteps and behavior that doesn’t have a chance in hell of making sense ensues.
Rejection represents a HUGE risk to the ego. It’s a rare person who can put themselves out there and accomplish a grand gesture because fear of rejection stifles all but their most feeble attempts.
If he just reached out a little bit (the one-off call or text) and didn’t swing for the fences (going whole-hog grand gesture), he can tell himself that you ex “just weren’t into getting back together,” instead of “I never even tried.”
That’s why deciding whether your ex might want you back is a little like reading a foreign language with no translation. Since an ex who wants you back is likely to do the opposite of what you expect, here are four real signs that he secretly wants you back.
1. He Maintains Non-Essential Contact
If you have a child or business together, it stands to reason that you and your ex would remain in contact— but this can remain very business-like.
When someone is sticking around, trying to keep the emotional connection open, often he fears that if he lets you go entirely, you’ll be gone for good and his opportunity to be with you will REALLY die forever (even though the breakup might have been his idea.). So he’ll suggest little activities and say cute things like “oh hey, I saw this thing that reminded me of you.”